OFFICIAL NOTICE OF ACADEMIC NECESSITY

To Whom It May Concern,

Please be advised that [YOUR NAME] will be unable to attend work on 2026-04-07 due to a previously scheduled academic obligation of the highest order: witnessing the New York Liberty vs Las Vegas Aces (Tonight @ 7:30pm).

This constitutes an excused absence under the Academic Doctrine of Historical Witness. Missing such events has been conclusively shown to contribute to cultural illiteracy in the field of Women's Athletic Excellence.

Respectfully submitted,

Commissioner-Approved Bureau of Fan Obligations

This document is legally non-binding. But morally? Absolutely.